Navigating the rocky waters of middle school

Middle school is often a time filled with angst.  Kids are changing rapidly and navigating the social arena at this stage of life is often filled with drama and anxiety.  They are learning by trial and error - which friend will be loyal, which one is likely to cause drama?  How do I connect with my teachers?  How do I manage the demands of an increasing amount of homework?  With endless questions like these swirling around, being an adolescent is challenging at best.

Parker middle school teachers are adept at providing support to our growing middle schoolers, while also taking a step back and giving them a sense of autonomy.  They don't always swoop in to solve a problem, but guide and talk kids through a troubling situation - giving them ways to solve problems themselves.  This, in turn, enhances their self confidence.  Advisory can be a safe space to air frustrations, or bring up sensitive questions.  Parker middle schoolers gain the confidence to approach teachers for help, and are encouraged to do so.  This is the first step in learning how to use adults in life as trusted confidantes and partners.

I came across this article today which further discusses the challenges of middle school.  With the guidance of supportive parents and teachers, middle school doesn't need to be fraught with turmoil - it can be a time of positive change, growth and self awareness.

Getting comfortable with risk

As educators we often say that we want our students to be risk takers -  we define risk as an opportunity to take a chance or explore the unknown.  It can involve physical, mental, and emotional tasks.

The start of any new school year is filled with a certain level of risk.  An unknown routine, strange surroundings, and rooms full of unfamiliar people all contribute to a high level of stress for both children and adults. Will I know what to do?  Will I be able to change between my classes?  Will I like my new teachers? What will happen if I’m afraid to try or, worse, try and fail?  Luckily, the reality is that our children can learn to adapt quickly. Unfortunately, our emotional brains frequently forget this, leading to a fear of risk.

Our children encounter a multitude of risk-taking opportunities everyday. Some of them seem benign to adults; putting marks on paper, talking to a peer or adult, raising a hand in class, answering a question, going across the monkey bars at recess.

At Parker, teachers recognize the risks children meet everyday provide an opportunity to either learn something new or reinforce previous concepts. Our job is to both encourage and assess the risks children encounter.  We want to always balance the potential for growth against the possible discomfort a student may feel when going out on a limb and taking a risk.  Our students should leave school comfortable with taking reasonable chances and be willing to try something new.  Innovation cannot happen without a moderate comfort with risk.

Another component crucial to risk taking is flexibility.  Kids need to be able to be flexible in order to take risks.  If rigidity gets in the way of trying something new, the opportunity for growth is lost.  Flexibility allows children to be able to practice assessing risks, as well.  Should I raise my hand and answer this question in math?  Should I take a leap and start a new story during creative writing today? While making decisions about small risks such as writing or drawing something they've never practiced before, children are practicing for the bigger risks they’ll need to evaluate later.

Getting kids comfortable with risk is a good thing.  As adults it's up to us to encourage, support, and help the children in our lives get to this place.

For more thoughts on risk taking and why we shouldn't be protecting our kids from failure.

Emotional Agility

It is no secret that kids who learn how to manage their emotions at an early age do better later in life. Skills like problem solving, cooperation, listening, and flexibility are definitely predictors of future success and happiness. Parker teachers realize this and strive to give children the opportunity to strengthen these skills. They don't rush in to solve every problem, but encourage kids to work things out on their own and to come to a solution independently. This in turn, strengthens self confidence and promotes resilience in children.

I came across a wonderful article written this week in the New York Times about emotional agility.

"Emotional agility is a process that enables us to navigate life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, clear-sightedness, and an open mind. The process isn’t about ignoring difficult emotions and thoughts. It’s about holding those emotions and thoughts loosely, facing them courageously and compassionately, and then moving past them to ignite change in your life."

This may sound like a lofty goal for a child, but it is definitely a worthwhile pursuit. Teachers at Parker work to give children the skills and space to solve tricky social problems and handle complex emotions. They realize that rushing in to always help a child is not the answer.  This doesn't allow children to learn to help themselves, instead they will always rely on an adult to be the problem solver.

As parents and teachers we should be helping a child move through, rather than avoid, a negative emotion and emerge ready to keep going. This is what develops character, self-control, and confidence in our children - all skills they need to be successful in school and beyond.

Chingachgook

Each year as students and teachers get ready for Camp Chingachgook there are a mix of emotions. Excitement, anticipation, trepidation, and curiosity are the norm as kids and adults prepare themselves for three days and two nights together in this new environment. Sleeping bags, pillows, and hiking boots are packed. Flashlights and fleece jackets are ready for chilly nights and possible late night trips to the bathroom.

As we all board the bus together that Wednesday morning, kids are talking and laughing, picking out that perfect seat to share on the way up with their friend.  Already we are laying the foundation for a shared experience. This year I was fortunate enough to attend Chingachgook along with the students. I also approached the trip with some trepidation. What would three days and two nights be like with a group of 43 children? I kissed my younger daughter goodbye that morning and along with our students, boarded the bus with eagerness and anticipation for our trip ahead.

Our time at Camp Chingachgook is more than a short camping trip with friends. It is a time to break from routine, to share experiences, to take that mini-step towards independence. As kids say goodbye to their families, they are venturing out on their own, and making that first separation from parents. This is a huge milestone in the children’s lives. Being away from the safety net of family, kids are making their own choices and using their own judgment to make decisions - an invaluable skill they will use time and time again as they grow and mature. Having the opportunity to make this separation among friends and beloved teachers is a gift.

As I witnessed first hand, kids get to Chingachgook and are immediately engaged. They are building trust, cooperation, and community through team building games and activities. They move from hiking to archery, from bouldering (climbing a mini rock wall) to swimming, from canoeing to traversing a high ropes course. Watching the kids step out of their comfort zone and pick up a bow and arrow for the first time or step onto a high ropes course despite their apprehension, is nothing short of remarkable. The confidence and sense of accomplishment children gain from trying something unfamiliar is one of the primary goals behind this trip.

The true magic of camp, however, does not reside in the daily program of camp events — it lies in the relationship between children, and between children and their counselors, children and their teachers. Children who have been cared for all of their lives by parents are delighted by the novelty of sharing adventures — and their struggle — with their peers and energetic young adults. I was continually impressed by the Chingachgook staff. They led us through the woods on hikes, up mountains, and through Lake George on canoes. They sang songs at dinner, encouraged the kids when they were unsure of their abilities, told stories by the campfire, and provided an unforgettable experience for our children, many away from home for the first time.

After our busy days together, at night we all wound down and settled into our cabins. As the children unrolled their sleeping bags, chose their bunks, and readied their flashlights for the night ahead the real excitement set in. Seeing the enthusiasm and joy that comes from being independent, without one’s parents, is unparalleled. Some kids played cards up in top bunks, others read by the light of their headlamps. Regardless of their nighttime choices, one thing was sure - this was a remarkable milestone for all - a trip they would always remember, where they bonded with friends and teachers, learned something new, stepped out of their comfort zone, and gained confidence knowing they could take on any challenge.

As we got ready to leave that last day, many of the kids I talked to said, “I wish we could stay a few more days.” Looking at their shining faces and bright smiles, I thought the same thing. Until next year, Camp Chingachgook.

Me and the middle school girls after an exhilarating morning on the high ropes course

Traversing the high ropes 

Coming down 

On the way up - serious bravery!

The 8th grade before they hiked up Buck Mountain

Bouldering!